Unholy Week: The Passion Reimagined as a Professional Wrestling Match

A camera drone shot shows a stadium full of people with a wrestling ring in the center. Two commentators' voices speak over the image.

(“Welcome back to Unholy Week, one of the biggest events professional wrestling has ever seen! John, just listen to that crowd!”

“Yeah, Luke, the energy in this room is reaching a point that I would almost call frenzied. As the main event draws ever closer, the anticipation and excitement is building like electricity!”)

From the center of the ring an announcer booms over a mic, “The following match-up has been made for one fall by pin or submission. Now entering the reigning champion, ‘The Teacher’ J.C.!”

J.C.’s well-known entrance music blares through the stadium and the people jump to their feet. He is truly a champion of the people. Whether they’ve been following his career from the start or are new to the fandom, they adore him. He’s the face of faces. Match after match he bests his opponents with his sharp wit and mic-dropping one-liners, and he never misses a chance to come to the aid of an underdog. People are still talking about one of his earliest match-ups during Hell on A Hill, where he went head-to-head against The Accuser. That was the day he won many of them over. Yes, they’d seen the CEO of the network “bless” him and make a weird speech about how he was "well pleased" with J.C., but in this industry words mean far less than actions. Taking on The Accuser and winning, though? Now that was something to take notice of!

(“Here he comes, John! The people’s champion!”)

As the music swells to an ear splitting volume, the crowd looks toward the entrance, excitedly waiting to see how he’ll enter this time. Most of the time he walks out with his standard squad - The Apostles, they call themselves - flanking him on either side. Occasionally he’ll throw in some added flair. A few times he’s “rowed” out on a boat. And once he interrupted a speech by the network’s brand manager by running out and flipping the commentary table and declaring the whole network a den of robbers. That one was out of left field, but it had a lasting effect.

As the stage smoke clears, a figure is silhouetted against the backlighting.

(“Is he riding a horse?”

“I can’t quite tell, John, but I think he might be. No... wait...” “It’s a donkey! Can you believe this guy?!”)

The crowd crescendos into a mix of laughter and cheers. Of course, a few scattered fans of his challengers boo, but these naysayers generally get lost in the noise.

As he makes his way down the ramp (“He really entered on a donkey, man... This guy... Classic J.C.”) adoring fans reach over the barricade, their hands spread wide. Even to graze their champion’s robe would be a big deal to these people. He makes sure to greet every single kid he sees as he makes his way to the ring. The fans are nearly riotous as he reaches the ring. Some of them have begun to fling jackets, shirts, and handmade posters with his catch phrases like VERY TRULY I TELL YOU and THEY GONNA LEARN TODAY in his direction.

(“Luke, is that.... Did someone throw a pair of women’s panties out there?”

“I think you’re right, John. Man, this crowd is riled up tonight!”)

Finally he reaches the ring. He dismounts the donkey, crawls between the ropes, and takes his mic. A hush falls over the crowd. They don’t want to miss a word of what he has to say. He always has the best lines. “Chag Sameach, Jerusalem!” The crowd goes wild. Ever since the network introduced the storyline of The Emperor, it was a special kind of defiance for the superstars to acknowledge the Passover festival so openly. If The Teacher was the face of faces, The Emperor was the heel of heels.

J.C. looks around the room before staring directly into the camera and raising one eyebrow. “Who’s hungry?” More cheering. The crowd’s seen this bit before, and it is nothing short of iconic. This dude’s about to send The Apostles into the crowd to pass out snacks to every single person in the audience. Where the hell they come from, nobody really knows. The Apostles certainly don’t have backpacks or anything, but somehow, just like magic, they end up having plenty for everyone with leftovers. But none of the ringside crew makes a move. Instead, J.C. procures a loaf of bread and a bottle of wine from under the table that’s set up on the stage.

(“What do you think this is about, Luke?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”)

The crowd watches confused and transfixed as The Teacher holds the loaf of bread up in the air and says “This is my body,” before violently snapping it in half. Murmurs begin throughout the crowd.

(“Uh... Did he just break his own body in half?”)

He tosses the bread to The Apostles who shrug and start dividing it among themselves.

“This is my blood!” He all but growls as he pours a glass of wine and hands it off to one of his Apostles. Even they seem confused now.

“And, very truly I tell you,” he holds for the applause roused by this signature opening line of his. “One of you” he points an accusatory finger toward the men in his corner “will BETRAY ME!” Deafening boos from the audience mix with the startled gasps of The Apostles. They all begin looking at one another trying to figure out who it is. A fight breaks out among them as they begin shoving one another and getting in each others’ faces.

(“Quite a bold statement from The Teacher, there, John. It really seems to have The Apostles rattled.”)

J.C. grabs his mic again and bellows out to get everyone’s attention: “WHO IS GREATER?! The one who is at the table or the one serving it?” Quiet falls again. Real fans know by now this is a trick question. He loves those. They wait in silence. “Is it not the one at the table?” he goads, strutting around the ring with his arms outstretched, a mischievous look on his face. “But I am among you as one who SERVES!” The crowd goes wild.

(“This is why he’s the people’s champion, Luke! Moments like this!”

“Yeah, we’ve seen plenty of people enter this ring who think they’re on top of the world. But this guy - he just shows up, puts on a great show, stands up for the underdogs, and gives adoration back to the fans.”)

As the crowd’s chants and cheers die down again, he turns back to his corner and says to those loyal twelve men, who have been ringside for every single one of his fights since the start of his career, in an ominous voice, “Pray that you may not come into the time of trial.”

(“The Teacher is in a mood tonight, Luke.”

“Yeah, if I were one of The Apostles I’d be a little nervous right about now.”)

J.C. walks to the center of the ring, hoists up the table in a sudden burst of force - a callback to that legendary entrance of the past - and kneels in the center in prayer.

(“John, I’m not sure what exactly is going on, are you?”

“Not in the slightest.”)

The silence is broken when the entrance music for his opponents begin. The announcer jumps back on the mic. “And here comes his challenger, accompanied to the ring by his triple tag-team partners Fair I.C. and Sad U.C., please welcome THE CHIEF PRIIIIEEEEST!!!” They emerge onto the stage to a mixture of jeers and cheers from the audience. Quickly the music changes again.

(“Oh no! Luke! Can it be?”

“I think it is, John. It is! It’s Primus and Prior, the brothers in arms, The Centurions!”)

They emerge onto the stage, swords in hand, and stand on either side of the three men already onstage. The appearance of The Centurions shifts the balance of cheering to mostly booing.

(“Wait, what’s happening in the ring?”)

By the time the men on the stage begin walking down the ramp to the ring, Judas has separated himself from the other Apostles and entered the ring. As the audience begins to notice this, J.C. stands to his feet and stares down Judas with a determined look in his eyes. Judas approaches him cautiously. They square off as The Chief Priest and his posse walk closer. Judas grabs J.C.’s head with both hands. The audience gasps and waits with bated breath to see what will happen next.

(“Oh no! What’s he doing?”

“J.C. might be about to meet that mat face-first. I don’t like the looks of this.”)

Judas slowly tilts J.C.’s forehead forward and kisses the top of it.

“Judas, is it with a kiss that you are betraying the Son of Man?” J.C. asks in disgust. The crowd holds their breath, waiting for him to take Judas down. There’s no way someone like this ringside poser is any match for J.C. The Teacher could take every person in the arena all at once if he wanted to. Everyone knows that.

(“Look at this, Luke! The Apostles have turned and are attacking The Chief Priest and The Centurions!”

“And look, here come a whole host of other superstars from the locker room. Even The Chief Priest’s hype man is getting involved.”)

Just as The Chief Priest’s hype man hits the barricade with a loud smack, J.C. bellows out “NO MORE OF THIS!” Everyone pauses and looks at him. He silently crosses over to the fallen man and helps him to his feet.

Fair I.C. nods at The Centurions and they cease their opportunity. In the blink of an eye, J.C. is pinned up against that same barricade. The Chief Priest approaches. “Have you come out with swords and clubs as if I were a bandit?” J.C. sneers. Fair I.C. nods at the massive tag-team champions holding J.C. in submission, and they lead him back to the ring. The Apostles have scattered and are nowhere to be seen.

There’s a pause as the group that dragged him up to the ring surround J.C. This is the moment the crowd has been waiting for. He’s going to take them all down. It’s going to be epic.

Sad U.C. steps forward and slaps The Teacher and suddenly the whole group begins throwing punches.

(“All hell has broken loose!”

"I've got to admit, it’s a good strategy. None of them could ever come close to taking him down alone, so I guess they’ve all teamed up against the champion.”

“What is that, Luke? Is that a blindfold that Sad U.C. just pulled out?”

“It is! They’re blindfolding The Teacher!”)

The group in the ring all begin taking turns punching J.C. yelling “Prophesy! Who just hit you?”

(“Oh, man. This is just brutal. I don’t even want to watch this.”)

The chaos is interrupted again as Pontius “The Governor” Pilate’s entrance music rings out through the hall.

(“This cannot be good, Luke. This absolutely cannot be good.”)

Fair I.C. picks up a mic as The Governor reaches the ring. “This guy claims he’s a king! Do you believe that garbage? Are you going to put up with that?” Pilate glares around the ring at the whole debacle as he ducks between the ropes. He walks up to J.C. and asks him, somewhat sarcastically. “Are you the king of the Jews?”

J.C. smirks an almost cocky smile at him. “You say so.” They stare each other down.

(“This is so intense, John. Both these guys have had successful careers in their own ways, but they’ve never faced each other directly in the ring.”

“It’s like they’re waiting to see who’s going to break first. Look at this battle of wills going on!”)

After a long silence, Pilate steps back and smiles in defeat. He turns to Fair I.C. and says, “I find no basis for accusation against this man.”

A cheer rises from the crowd and turns to booing as a frustrated Fair I.C. grabs the mic and shouts above the din, “Do you see how he stirs up the people?! THIS,” he gestures to the audience reacting, “has been happening in every city we go to, from his very first appearance in....” Fair I.C. takes a dramatic breath and twists his face into the grimace to end all grimaces. “Galilee.”

Pilate freezes and turns back to J.C. Fans who have been watching for a while know that this is a deep dig. The Governor grabs the mic back and walks back up to J.C. “You’re from Galilee?” J.C. gives a silent, single nod. Pilate drops the mic on the ground and walks like a man on a mission out of the ring and up the ramp. (“The Governor is leaving the ring! Look at that look on his face. Have you ever seen such a look of guttural determination?”

“Where is he going? What could he possibly be thinking?”)

It doesn’t take long to get an answer. Moments later he returns, and he’s not alone. An imposing figure emerges from the entrance. It's one of The Emperor's notorious wingmen. He’s quickly followed by Pilate and the two pose on the stage side by side. The arena goes wild.

(“It’s Big H: Herod The Hellion himself!” “Oh my god, I cannot believe what I’m seeing!”

“BIG H AND THE GOVERNOR ON THE SAME STAGE!"

“It appears that The Governor has recruited Big H to deal with this situation. Can you believe it?”

“This is absolutely unprecedented! These two have been rivals as long as I can remember!”

“Yeah, John, it just goes to show how much this situation must be getting under The Governor’s skin for him to recruit Big H. I mean, when’s that last time we’ve seen something like this?”

“Yeah, you know we’ve heard Big H talk about how he wouldn’t believe the hype over J.C. until he saw it for himself, and this might just be his chance.”)

Big H and The Governor make their way to the ring and stand side by side in front of J.C. Everyone else in the ring crowds around them. Big H breaks his deadly gaze away from J.C., turns toward Sad U.C., and holds out his hand. Sad U.C. picks up the mic from the ground and hands it to Big H.

“Well, Teacher.... They call you the Miracle Worker. So let’s see what you’ve got.”

J.C. doesn’t move.

The crowd begins a chant - quietly at first and quickly rising. They want to see this showdown. “Son. Of. Man. Son of Man! SON OF MAN! SON OF MAN!”

J.C. doesn’t move. “I won’t ask you again. You’ve talked a big game, so let’s see you back it up,” Big H sneers as he steps even closer to J.C. Their faces are inches from each other now.

Still, J.C. does nothing.

Big H shoves J.C. The audience gasps and their chanting stops.

(“Oh, shit! The Teacher isn’t going to like that.”

“Yeah, if I were Big H I’d think twice about provoking J.C.”

“But, I don’t know.... He’s still not doing much of anything. I mean, this is not the J.C. we’re used to seeing. He’s usually quick to put these guys in their place. I just don’t think he’s in control of the ring the way he usually is.”

“You know, you’re right about that. Where’s that Miracle Worker attitude? Where’s The Son of Man’s fighting spirit?”)

The group in the ring begin shoving J.C. back and forth. Primus throws a punch that puts him in the grasp of The Chief Priest who shoves him right into the waiting hands of Big H. Herod grabs J.C. by the neck and the crowd begins to react. As J.C. continues to accept this brutal attack, the crowd begins to turn. More and more are starting to cheer on Big H and the rest of the challengers.

Still, J.C. does nothing.

(“I just don’t understand this. There just seems to be no fight, no will or fire in him at all. What could possibly be going on?”)

Big H drops Jesus to the mat and turns to The Governor. “He’s not worth my time. He’s all yours,” he says, and exits the ring.

Pilate holds up a hand to call for silence and addresses everyone: the crowd, the others in the ring. “Listen. If you have a problem with him, maybe you should take care of that yourself. Because neither Big H nor I see any issue here.”

Fair I.C. looks outraged. Some of the audience begins to boo. They came to see the people’s champion. Their champion. The Miracle Working Teacher with the death defying moves and the one-liners, and the man in the ring just isn’t him. As The Governor goes to make his exit, Fair I.C. grabs the mic and says, “No, no, no, no.... Wait. You know what? I have an even better idea. This guy here: he’s not the one the people want. He’s not the one the people deserve. These people came here to see justice.” The crowd cheers. “They came here to see redemption.” The crowd cheers louder. “They came here to see a show!” Everyone in the arena jumps to their feet in agreement. “And this so-called ‘people’s champion’ clearly isn’t able to deliver. He can't even stand up for himself and yet he would call himself a king? A MESSIAH?! What a joke. It’s offensive!”

(“Man, he’s really working that crowd, Luke.”

“Right you are. You know, normally when J.C. and Fair I.C. square off it’s The Teacher who does most of the talking, but Fair I.C. seems to be fully in control of this moment.”)

Fair I.C. saunters confidently around the ring addressing the audience more than The Governor. “You know what I think the people really want? You know who actually deserves another chance to prove themselves in this ring? It’s someone who hasn’t been in this arena in a looong time.....”

(“I don’t like that look, Luke. He looks like a man with an ace up his sleeve.”)

“BARABBAS!” Fair I.C. shouts.

The crowd cheers for the infamous Barabbas, banished from the network after his notorious attack on the executives a few years ago. But time does a funny thing to villains in the minds of the public. Sometimes after the sting of the original incident is faded and the right person plants a seed at the right time, a new idea can take hold.

(“No way. Listen to this crowd, Luke! Who would have thought that we’d ever hear that name again. Do you think it’s even possible? He left on some pretty bad terms.”

“Yeah, but you’ve got to admit - love or hate him, he did always put on one hell of a show. And J.C. sure hasn’t delivered on that front tonight.”

“Well, you’ve got a point, there.”)

The Governor looks around at the crowd with an all-too-familiar look of calculation on his face. He takes in the 20,000 people in the stands on their feet chanting “Barabbas! Barabbas! Barabbas!”

He turns back to J.C. and walks up to him. “Well, if we bring back Barabbas, then what should we do with your champion?”

(“The Governor is really pandering to this audience. I mean come on, dude, take it down a notch.”

“Yeah, but that’s what he does best. You know whatever the crowd wants, the crowd gets when Pilate’s in the ring.”)

Sad U.C. and Fair I.C. whisper something to The Chief Priest and The Centurions who nod and move into position. The Chief Priest takes a mic and says, "we have an idea!" Primus and Prior each grab one of J.C.’s arms and pull them back as wide as they’ll go, with a vice-like grip locking them in place. He’s helpless and cannot move. The crowd cheers.

(“Oh my god! Holy shit! They’re setting him up for The Crucifier!”

“Can you believe this? I cannot believe this!”)

The crowd goes wild and chants of “Crucify! Crucify! Crucify!” rise steadily throughout the arena. It’s a knockout move they’ve only seen a few times, and it’s known to be an absolute career ender for anyone on the receiving end.

Suddenly, from the audience a woman jumps over the barricade.

(“John, who is that? Is that.... It can’t be.... But it is! It’s Mad Mary!”

"Could this night get any wilder?!”

“IT CAN AND IT HAS! LOOK AT THIS!”)

As Mad Mary reaches the ring, a small group of the women known to be in J.C.’s corner from time to time come charging down the ramp from the locker room.

(“This is insane. There’s no way they’re going to take on these guys. There’s just no way.”

“But I gotta give them credit where credit is due. You don’t see any of his boys around. The Apostles all hightailed it out of here as soon as shit went down. These women have some guts coming out here now.”

“No doubt about that. No doubt about it.”)

Mary and the other women are now up on the apron of the ring about to jump in. They look to J.C. for a lead on what they should do. This certainly isn’t a fight they believe they could win, but they could at least try. The crowd seems split. Some of them are cheering the women on, some are laughing, and some are just in shock about what this night has turned into.

The Centurions still haven’t released J.C., nor has he made any attempt to escape their grip. He looks at the women, with Mad Mary leading the charge, and shakes his head. She steps down off the apron and the others do, too. With all of his backup now completely subdued, The Centurions drag him over to the corner and begin climbing the ropes. A deafening roar rises from the audience.

(“Oh my god, Luke. I think this is actually about to happen.”

“I can’t believe my eyes, but I think you might be right. I am stunned. Absolutely stunned at the turn of events here in Jerusalem tonight.”)

The chants are louder than ever. “Crucify! Crucify! Crucify!”

As The Centurions reach the top rope with him in position, arms spread in deathgrips, helpless already, Fair I.C. slides down between the ropes and pins J.C.’s ankles to the post from behind.

“CRUCIFY! CRUCIFY! CRUCIFY!”

"Would you like to do the honors," The Chief Priest asks The Governor. Pilate turns and walks to the opposite corner, raises his hands to work the audience into a frenzy. J.C. finally speaks, yelling as loud as he ever has, “FORGIVE THEM FATHER, FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO!”

And with that, The Governor looks The Teacher dead in the eye, an evil smile of sadistic joy on his face, as he begins the sprint toward the incapacitated J.C. When he's a step away from The Teacher, Pilate leaps into the air with deadly aim and his foot lands perfectly just under J.C.’s chin. The Centurions and Fair I.C. release their holds with perfect timing, and the people’s champion goes flying up and out of the ring from the top ropes, landing with a sickening thud on the ground below.

Just as he lands, the entire arena goes dark. There is stunned silence.

When the emergency backup lights come back on, Prior drops to his knees and grabs a mic as he looks down from the ring at the limp J.C. “My god,” he mutters. “What have we done? Surely this man was innocent.” He rips his costume off and lets out a loud cry.

(“Wow. Just... wow. The crowd is shocked. I am.... I’m speechless.”

“I think we’re all going to be talking about this night for a long time. I don’t know what the future holds, but I think it’s safe to say, this world will never be the same. This is just devastating.”)

A group of EMTs wheel J.C. out of the arena, placing a sheet over his face as they exit. Mad Mary and her group of women follow silently after them.

---

Epilogue: 3 Days Later

Mad Mary is being interviewed backstage by a reporter. “Now, Mary, I know you and J.C. were close. What have these past few days been like for you?”

“Is that a fucking joke?” The reporter looks scared. Mad Mary isn’t a woman you want to piss off.

“No, no... I just meant...”

“I know what you fucking meant. Listen, I went to the hospital to see J.C. when they told me he was in a coma he’d never recover from. I went to pay my fucking respects because apparently I’m the only one around here who understands the concept of loyalty. And you know what they tell me? They tell me he ‘checked out,’ and claim he’s not there anymore. Do you believe those bastards? Does NOBODY have any respect anymore?”

Mad Mary storms off as her entrance music begins. One thing about her - whether you love her, hate her, fear her, loathe her - nobody can ever say that Mad Mary doesn’t show up.

(“Well, after last Friday’s turn of events, I just have no idea what’s going to happen here tonight.”

“Right you are, Luke. I think we’re all still stunned. I can’t imagine anything more shocking than what we all witnessed here three days ago.” )

Mad Mary has made it to the center of the ring.

(“John, I think we’re going to see a very emotional side of Mad Mary tonight.”

“More than usual?”

“Oh, yes. Much more than usual.”)

She looks around the audience, and it’s true. The emotion is written on her face. After a long silence, finally, she speaks. “You know, it’s bad enough that they took out one of the greatest men to ever enter this ring the way they did. And you all just cheered it on. You should be ashamed of yourselves!”

Silence from the crowd. A few isolated boos rise up, but even these are half-hearted. Everyone there knows she’s right.

“And today.... Today I went to say my good-byes. And they wouldn’t even let me see him.”

Now real jeers rise up from the crowd. There’s an enemy that isn’t the audience themselves that they can focus their emotions on, and that’s an easier bandwagon to hop on.

“I just don’t know why they won’t tell me where he is. I mean, what would it hurt?”

There’s a commotion up in the stands near one of the entrances. The spotlight pin-points a man wearing scrubs and a surgeon’s mask who has emerged holding a mic. Mad Mary’s rage returns in full force. “WHERE HAVE YOU TAKEN HIM?!”

The surgeon speaks calmly. “Why do you look for the living among the dead?”

(“Wait.... Luke... that voice....”

“That does sound familiar, but.... Can it be....? No.... there’s no way. We all saw it with our own eyes. Nobody - I mean absolutely nobody - comes back from The Crucifier.”)

Mad Mary raises the mic to her mouth to speak, but doesn’t seem to know what to say.

“Mary.....” the surgeon says. Her eyes grow wide as he reaches up to remove his mask.

(“OH MY GOD IT IS! IT’S HIM! HE’S BACK! UNBELIEVABLE!”)

As the familiar entrance music blares over the loudspeakers, the deafening roar from the crowd drowns out even the grandest swelling notes.