Crash

CHARACTERS:

Gretchen – the mother* of three grown kids (early to mid 60’s) Alice – the oldest child*: a dancer (early to mid 30’s) Joan – the middle child*: a scientist (early 30’s) Eric – the baby of the family*: a therapist (late 20’s)

*PLAYWRIGHT’S NOTE ABOUT CASTING: I encourage all casting directors to think beyond the monochromatic family when casting. This play is set in the present day, so it shouldn’t be limited by antiquated ideas about what a family looks like. Mixed race families abound, as do a full spectrum of genders and gender expressions. Directors should feel free to swap pronouns for characters to they/them or other non-binary options where/when appropriate.

SETTING:

Present day. A small, rundown looking beach house. The décor and layout looks as though the house has not been updated or remodeled since the late 70s. Most of the first floor is taken up by a large open living room. There is a record player and a basket of old vinyl records sitting in one corner of the room. On one side of the stage there is a front door. Upstage there is a small kitchen, and off stage on the first floor there is a bathroom. On the side of the stage opposite the front door there is a staircase leading upstairs. Upstairs there are three bedrooms and a balcony, unseen during the course of the show. The family is gathered for a funeral.

CONTENT NOTE: This piece contains content that may be triggering for survivors of, and those affected by, issues of addiction, physical abuse, and sexual assault.

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ACT 1

Scene 1 (Day 1, Early Afternoon)

(GRETCHEN and ERIC enter through the front door carrying suitcases and grocery bags.)

GRETCHEN: Eric, be a dear and run this upstairs for me while I unpack the food, will you?

ERIC: I don’t know why you insisted on getting groceries, Ma. We’re only here for a week. Besides, you know you’re not going to have the time or energy to cook.

GRETCHEN: Maybe I won’t, but your sisters will. Lord knows they’re not going to be any help with the arrangements.

ERIC: Mom, you promised you’d be nice to them.

GRETCHEN: I don’t have to be nice to anyone right now!

ERIC: I know, I know…. (Picks up the suitcases and walks upstairs. Calls from offstage.) What time are they getting here, anyway?

GRETCHEN: (Calling to ERIC.) What was that, dear?

ERIC (Off): What time are Alice and Joan getting here?

(Someone intermittently knocks at the front door over the following, but it goes unnoticed with the conversation going on.)

GRETCHEN: (Calling to ERIC) Darling, you know I can’t stand it when you shout across the house. Would you just come down here and talk to me like a normal human being?

(ERIC comes down the stairs)

ERIC: What time are Alice and Joan getting here?

GRETCHEN: How should I know? You think they tell me anything?

ERIC: Mom, didn’t you even –

(Doorbell buzzes. Both ERIC and GRETCHEN jump.)

ERIC: When the hell did we get a doorbell? (Walks over to answer door)

GRETCHEN: Your father had it installed a few years ago. Said something about wanting to be more neighborly.

(ERIC opens the door. ALICE enters carrying a duffle bag.)

ALICE: (To ERIC) Didn’t you hear me knocking? And when did we get a doorbell?

(ERIC shrugs. ALICE walks past him and puts her bag down as she crosses to GRETCHEN.)

ALICE: Hi Mom, how are you holding up?

GRETCHEN: Oh, stop it. You know I hate when people do that.

ALICE: Do what?! I just got here!

GRETCHEN: When they look at me with that – that – look.

ALICE: What look?

GRETCHEN: You know what look.

ERIC: Leave it alone, sis. (Crosses and hugs ALICE.) How’s it going?

ALICE: Well, let’s see now…. I just had to take an unpaid week off from the studio and drive for 12 hours just to be chastised the second I walk through the door….

ERIC: Come on, now…. We talked about this.

ALICE: It’s good to see you. (Smiling)

ERIC: (Smiling) You, too.

ALICE: Is Joan here yet?

ERIC: Not yet.

ALICE: Yesss! I get the good bed! (Quickly exits up the stairs with her duffle bag. Calling from offstage.) Remind me again why we’re having Dad’s funeral all the way down here?

ERIC: (Calling to ALICE) Because he said so.

ALICE (From offstage) Of course he did…. Why?

ERIC: (Calling to ALICE) He said he wanted to have one last family vacation before his send off.

GRETCHEN: (Shouting) Stop shouting across the house!

(ALICE reappears coming down the stairs)

ALICE: I just don’t see why he wouldn’t want to be buried at home. Is anyone even going to come? I mean a destination wedding is one thing, but a destination funeral...?

GRETCHEN: Well, leave it to your father to make a difficult time in our lives even more difficult.

ERIC: (Smiling.) True to himself to the very end.

ALICE: What time’s Joan getting here?

GRETCHEN: Don’t know. Why don’t you call her and find out?

(ERIC pulls out his phone and sends a text over the following)

ALICE: Didn’t you ask her when you told her about Dad?

GRETCHEN: No. Why would I ask her something like that? Besides, what does it matter when she gets here? He’ll still be dead won’t he?

ERIC: Mom!

GRETCHEN: What? It’s not like she’s missing anything.

ERIC: We’re supposed to be together to support each other.

ALICE: Honestly, I’m surprised Joan’s even coming. They hardly even spoke to one another, let alone like each other.

ERIC: Oh, come on, Allie. It’s one thing to not see eye-to-eye with your parents, it’s a different thing to not even show up to their funeral.

ALICE: “Not see eye-to-eye?” She always said the only reason she’d come to his funeral is to dance on his grave. And don’t call me Allie.

ERIC: Well, I’ll be sure to check her bags for any contraband tap shoes….. Allie. (Smiles)

ALICE: (Smiles.) Asshole. (ALICE stretches and sighs to fill what would otherwise be a very awkward silence to make it an only slightly awkward silence.) Alright, well, we’re at the beach and I just sat in my car for 12 hours, so I’m going to stretch my legs with a walk along the ocean. Want to join me?

ERIC: Sure! Mom, you in?

GRETCHEN: No thank you.

ALICE: I’ll be right back. (She runs upstairs.)

ERIC: Why don’t you come with us Mom? The fresh sea air will be good for you.

GRETCHEN: And suppose Joan shows up while we’re all out?

ERIC: I just texted her and she said she’s not going to be here until after 7.

GRETCHEN: Well there’s plenty I can do here between now and then.

ERIC: Mom, what is there to do? The house is clean, we’re going out to eat tonight, and there hasn’t been a television in this house since I was in middle school.

GRETCHEN: I’m not going. Period.

(ALICE reappears.)

ALICE: Ready? (She appears to be calmer and more buoyant.)

ERIC: Sure. After you, m’dear. See you later, Ma! Call us if you need anything.

GRETCHEN: (To ERIC) Thank you, dear. Have fun, you two!

(ALICE and ERIC exit through the front door. GRETCHEN gives up on unpacking the groceries, pours herself a glass of wine, and exits up the stairs.)

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ACT 1

Scene 5 (Day 3, Early Evening)

(GRETCHEN is downstairs dressed for the viewing. She walks to the bottom of the stairs.)

GRETCHEN: (Calling and doing the “mom clap”) Let’s go, kids! We’re going to be late!

(ERIC enters from the stairs, also dressed for the viewing.)

ERIC: Mom, stop yelling across the house.

GRETCHEN: Don’t be a smartass. Where are your sisters?

ERIC: Upstairs last I saw.

GRETCHEN: Well we’re going to be late if they don’t hurry up.

(ALICE and JOAN enter. JOAN is dressed for a viewing. ALICE is dressed in her attempt at an outfit for a viewing, but it’s not quite right.)

JOAN: I’m telling you, you can’t wear that.

ALICE: Well it’s on my body, isn’t it? So it looks like I can, in fact, wear it.

GRETCHEN: What is that? Go upstairs and change right this instant!

JOAN: Told you.

ALICE: What’s wrong with it? It’s all black, it covers everything that needs covered.

JOAN: (Under her breath) Barely.

ALICE: Look, I don’t think Dad’s going to care what I’m wearing.

JOAN: Oh, for the love of Christ, you said yourself that this isn’t about Dad! Tonight is for Mom and the family and his friends that have come to say their last goodbyes.

ALICE: His friends aren’t going to fucking show up. We’re hours away from home. They’re not going to drive all this way just to look at his dead body for a hot second and then peace out. I sure as hell wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to be.

GRETCHEN: For your information, his entire poker group drove down yesterday and got a hotel for the next three days. (Checks her phone) And Uncle Terry and Wanda are both already at the church.

ALICE: Really? They’re all here?

GRETCHEN: Well of course they’re all here. It’s not like this is some retirement party or something. It’s his funeral for God sake.

ALICE: Fine. I’ll go change.

GRETCHEN: You have five minutes or we’re leaving without you.

ALICE: Fine then! Just go without me. I didn’t want to go to this stupid thing in the first place.

ERIC: Nobody WANTS to go to a viewing.

ALICE: You know what I mean. Viewings are so stupid anyway. It’s just a parade of people showing up to look good in front of the rest of the people who showed up to look good so that people won’t talk shit about them. It’s all just one big circle jerk where everyone tries to outdo one another with their condolences and stories.

GRETCHEN: Alice Merideth Reilly! You listen to me. I don’t know what has gotten into you, but this is your father’s viewing, and you will show some respect. Either you go upstairs and put on something decent and make a major attitude adjustment or you stay here. You have ten seconds to decide.

(GRETCHEN and ALICE stare each other down. Neither seems to be budging. After a moment.)

GRETCHEN: Ten…… Nine…… Eight….. Seven…..

ERIC: Alice, please. You promised.

GRETCHEN: Six…..

ALICE: Fine.

(ALICE turns and goes toward the stairs.)

GRETCHEN: Fine what? Fine you’re changing or fine you’re staying here? Which is it?

(ALICE doesn’t answer. She exits angrily up the stairs. A door slams upstairs.)

GRETCHEN: Well that’s just fantastic. Really great.

ERIC: Ma, she’ll be back down. She went to change.

GRETCHEN: Oh, you can read her mind?

ERIC: No, but I can read people. It’s kind of my job. Trust me. She’s going to just go change and she’ll be back down.

GRETCHEN: Fine. But I was serious about that five minutes. If she isn’t back down here in five minutes we’re leaving. Joan, you share a room with her. Why did you let her put that awful thing on?

JOAN: (Exasperation overflowing) I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that I was in charge of dressing my fully grown older sister.

GRETCHEN: You knew it was inappropriate. You let her wear it just to upset me. Well, mission accomplished.

ERIC: Ma, why don’t you just sit down. Here, I’ll get you a glass of water. It’s going to be a long night, so just try to relax while you can.

GRETCHEN: Relax? Relax! Yes, that’s what I want to do right now. I want to relax. I want to just prop my feet up on the table and sit back with a cold drink and just relax. In case you haven’t noticed, nothing about this trip is relaxing. Nothing about it is going to be relaxing. Nothing about it is SUPPOSED to be relaxing. There’s too many arrangements to make and people to talk to and decisions to make. (To JOAN) And then, on top of that, I have to be crammed into this place with my two daughters who have done nothing but make it perfectly clear that they absolutely hate me.

JOAN: Mother, we don’t hate you.

GRETCHEN: Well, you’ve done a hell of a job at showing it! Nothing I say is good enough. You know, I might not have been a great mother to you girls growing up, but I thought we had put all of that behind us. I thought we had moved on. It’s all in the past, anyway. You’re both clearly doing just fine out on your own. So clearly I didn’t go THAT far wrong.

JOAN: Okay, you know what –

ERIC: Joan!

JOAN: No. If she wants to have this conversation, let’s have it.

ERIC: (Advancing toward her.) Joan, I’m warning you.

JOAN: Oh, you’re “warning” me? What are you going to do? Hit me?

ERIC: You know I would never.

JOAN: Well you ARE our father’s son, so you never know, do you?

ERIC: Joan, stop it! Just stop it, alright?! I’m sick and tired of hearing you and Alice put Dad down. He made mistakes, yes. He was a human being, though, and he was still your father. He raised you the best way that he knew how. And, besides, she’s right, you know. You turned out just fine. You turned out BETTER than fine, what with your job and house and great big life. You’re not in a grave, a prison, or a mental institution, so I’d say they did a damn good job of raising you.

JOAN: Oh, as if you would know.

GRETCHEN: Stop it!

ERIC: Look. I’m not saying that Dad didn’t have his issues. Clearly he wasn’t perfect.

JOAN: Shut up, Eric. Just shut the hell up. You have no clue what Alice and I went through, because Dad was a coward who only went after people he knew couldn’t fight back. This is why I hate therapists. They’re always looking for a way to rationalize things. Sometimes there is no rational explanation for what a person does because they’re just evil.

GRETCHEN: That’s not fair, Joan. You know he got better when he got sober. He worked really hard to make it up to you girls.

JOAN: Bullshit!

GRETCHEN: Watch your mouth, young lady!

JOAN: Buuullllll. SHIT!

(ALICE re-enters much brighter - almost content - wearing a very modest black skirt and blouse combination.)

ALICE: Okay, I’m ready.

(JOAN and GRETCHEN are staring each other down in silence. ERIC is watching tensely. He looks up and sees ALICE.)

ERIC: You look lovely. Ma, doesn’t Alice look nice?

(ALICE sniffs and awkwardly wipes her nose with the back of her hand. She takes in the scene and tension in front of her and gives an inquiring look to ERIC, who gives back a look of “drop it,” which she does.)

GRETCHEN: Use a tissue, dear. (She produces a tissue from her purse and hands it to her.) You look lovely. Let’s go.

(A light rain has begun to fall. They all grab umbrellas and/or rain coats as they exit through the front door in silence.)

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ACT 2

Scene 2 (Day 4, The Wee Hours of the Morning - Around 3 AM)

(ALICE is sitting on the sofa. It’s still raining outside but the storm has died down. Mozart’s Requiem in D Minor is playing over the record player. ALICE pulls out the now empty dime bag and unsuccessfully tries to scrape something out of it. She rips it open and licks the remnants from the inside. Then she pulls out some pills and swallows them, after which she lights a joint. JOAN enters from outside. They’re both surprised to see the other.)

JOAN: What are you doing up?

ALICE: Couldn’t sleep. You?

JOAN: Same. (Forcing a smile) You know, you were right – about the rain puddles. I forgot how fun it can be.

ALICE: Want a hit? (Offers her the joint).

JOAN: No thanks, I’m not in college anymore.

ALICE: Suit yourself.

JOAN: You know, you could at least be a little more discrete with that.

ALICE: Yeah - but why?

(ALICE takes a hit of the joint. JOAN walks over to the record player and picks up the album cover.)

JOAN: Mozart?

ALICE: Yeah, what about it?

JOAN: Interesting choice.

ALICE: Meaning?

JOAN: Wasn’t he supposed to be crazy?

ALICE: Maybe. He was also a genius. What’s your point?

JOAN: Well, if I didn’t know any better I’d say it might be a little indicative of your subconscious emotional state.

ALICE: You’ve been spending too much time with Eric.

JOAN: Fine. I’ll drop it.

(A few moments pass in silence while ALICE smokes and JOAN gets a glass of water from the kitchen.)

JOAN: (Indicating seat on couch next to ALICE.) May I?

ALICE: Sure…. Hey, do you remember when we were little –

JOAN (dryly): I try not to….

ALICE: (Rolling her eyes) Nevermind.

JOAN: Fine, what about when we were little?

ALICE: Remember when we were little and we had that family reunion where Uncle Terry brought that canoe along?

(They laugh)

JOAN: Oh god…. Wasn’t that the year that you and Eric tried to convince Monty that wiping with leaves was cleaner than using the campground’s toilet paper?

ALICE: What do you mean “tried to?” We DID convince him. Oh my god, Wanda was so fucking pissed!

JOAN: Geez, how did a guy like Uncle Terry ever end up with a bitch like Wanda?

ALICE: I don’t know…. How did Uncle Terry ever end up letting Wanda name their kid Monty?

(ALICE laughs and takes another hit of the joint. JOAN sips her water.)

ALICE: Remember when Eric dropped the oar in the creek? Everyone freaked out and Eric started crying and Dad and Jason and Joel started walking all over the creek like they were searching for a body or something. And then fucking Uncle Bert with his brilliant idea. (Laughs)

JOAN: (Laughing and impersonating her Uncle Bert) “I know! Let’s throw the other one in and see where it goes. That way we can follow it and it’ll lead us to the first one.”

ALICE: You know, I feel like that sometimes.

JOAN: Well, you and Uncle Bert do bear a striking resemblance. But don’t worry, you look much younger – not a day over 50.

ALICE: (Laughing) Fuck off! (Laughter suddenly stopping and shifting to something dark.) No…. I meant…. I just mean… Sometimes I feel like I’m just standing on a muddy riverbank throwing oars into the water to see where they go.

JOAN: (Chuckles) How much did you smoke?

ALICE: (Sharply) Shut up! God, I should have known better than to try to have a real conversation with you.

JOAN: Okay, fine, I’m sorry.

(ALICE begins to leave)

JOAN: Wait. WAIT!

(ALICE stops)

JOAN: I really am sorry…. What do you mean?

ALICE: I don’t know.

JOAN: We both know that’s a load of crap. Now, we can sit here until you start to make pointless small-talk and eventually make another sideways attempt at getting me to beg you to open up, and then repeat that cycle for another two hours… Or you could save us both a lot of time and tell me what’s on your mind now so that we can talk about it, eat some icecream, and call it a night.

ALICE: What kind of icecream?

JOAN: Allie, come on.

ALICE: (Sharply) Don’t fucking call me that. (She sits back down) I just… It’s like I go looking for answers to my problems by creating more problems. Like, every time I go looking for myself I get even more lost. And now I’m not just lost – I’m stranded, too. Sometimes it just feels like I’m…. like I’m…. I don’t know…..

JOAN: (Smiling) Up the creek without a paddle?

ALICE: (Trying unsuccessfully not to laugh) Stop it! Geez, I try to open up to you for once and you can’t even take it seriously.

JOAN: Come on, you know I’m no good with feelings. If you want someone good with feelings go talk to Eric.

ALICE: No thank you. He’ll go all therapist-y on me. I hate that.

JOAN: I know, right?

(Beat. ALICE takes another hit of the joint.)

ALICE: I just feel like I’m drowning sometimes.

JOAN: I know you do.

ALICE: How the fuck would you know that? We haven’t seen each other since last Christmas. I haven’t heard from you except for when I texted you “Happy birthday” and you replied “Thanks.” An act, might I add, that you did not reciprocate when it was MY birthday. Three whole words in a year and a half. I don’t think we’ve had a conversation that lasted more than 20 minutes in the past ten years. We don’t talk. So how the fuck could you possibly know how I feel.

JOAN: We might not talk that often, but we were roommates for 15 years. I know you better than you think I do.

ALICE: Yeah, right.

JOAN: Well…. Fine. But I do know what you mean about feeling like you’re drowning. I feel that way all the time. And that’s something that started long before we stopped knowing each other. That’s something that started back when we were little.

ALICE: ….Yeah…. So, is that why you try not to remember it?

JOAN: Yeah. Is that why you do (briefly pauses, choosing her words carfully...indicates the joint) all that?

ALICE: Fuck if I know. Every family has to have at least one fuck-up right?

JOAN: Alice…. You’re not –

ALICE: It’s fine. I’m proud of it. Knowing this family’s standards I wouldn’t have wanted to live up to them anyway.

(Neither of them knows what to say so they listen to the music.)

ALICE: Want to dance?

JOAN: (Laughs) What?

ALICE: Dancing? You know, moving to music? (Dryly) It’ll be a warm-up for your grave-side tap dance routine tomorrow.

JOAN: How high are you? Really.

ALICE: Just high enough to be able to tell that you need to loosen up before your skin cracks right off. Come on.

(ALICE gets up and starts moving the furniture to the sides of the room. She pulls JOAN up to her feet and starts to lead her in a dance. JOAN breaks away.)

JOAN: (Laughing.) This is stupid. What are we even doing.

ALICE: No, come on. You’ll feel better, I promise! Besides, I’ve been told I’m a very good teacher. Come on.

(ALICE takes JOAN’s hand. She accepts it hesitantly and they begin to dance again. Slowly JOAN falls into the music and the two of them dance clumsily but happily around the space. Lights fade.)

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ACT 2

Scene 4 (Day 4, Late Afternoon)

(They’re all still in the outfits they were in for the funeral. Alice, Joan, and Eric are sitting on the sofa. Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata second movement is playing over the record player. They silently pass a joint and the whiskey bottle between them.)

ERIC: I hate to admit it, but you’re right. This is way better than going to the funeral.

ALICE: It’s not like we would have made it in time, anyway.

JOAN: Honestly, I don’t think he would mind.

ALICE: (Dryly.) Don’t ruin a perfectly good time, Joan.

(GRETCHEN enters from the stairs carrying her suitcase. She struggles under the weight of it. They all hear her but pointedly look in the opposite direction, staring straight ahead. JOAN silently grabs ALICE’s hand. GRETCHEN finally gets to the bottom of the stairs. She stands there observing them for a moment. They continue to stare straight in front of them, listening to the music. None of them look toward their mother. She opens her mouth to speak, but then closes it again, takes her suitcase, and exits out the front door. We hear a car door outside, and the car pulling away. A moment passes.)

ERIC: (Smiling.) Want to go scream across the house?

JOAN: (Jumps up) Hell yeah! (She exits up the stairs.)

ERIC: (To ALICE) You in?

ALICE: (Finally smiling) Yeah, okay.

ERIC: Great. You wait here. Wait for my count, now. (He stands and crosses to the farthest corner of the kitchen he can and calls out so that Joan can hear him upstairs) Ready?!

JOAN and ALICE: Ready!

ERIC: One. Two. Three!

(They all let out loud screams that devolve into laughter, with ALICE devolving into sobbing. ERIC crosses back over to her and sits next to her trying to calm her. JOAN re-enters from the stairs and crosses to take her hand. Lights fade.)